Toxic Relationships....!!! (Take a call)

I am wondering, how did I take so long to write something on toxic relationships... When now I open my mental eyes to witness so many I have pulled on for such a long span of time....

I have this weird habit of giving huge benefit of doubts to almost all the people I know, the end result was not bad when my personal growth was concerned, it did reflect a lot of things I needed to change in myself but somewhere in personal front when my close few were concerned some being relatives and some very close friends I was still emotionally getting harmed.... I did blame and worked consistently on my EQ(Emotional Intelligence) levels to bring about a peaceful state within but still something was a miss.

It was then when this insightful thought came up and I realized that I was completely unaware that I was holding on to TOXIC relationships with way too many people.

Like there's this relative of mine who herself has a very very low self image but will not hesitate to put me down when I myself sportingly can crack a joke on self... Similar is a so called VERY GOOD friend who will only and mostly indulge into conversations when she puts down other people criticize or condemn their actions and simply NAG, again an inevitable lady who can only self pity.... Surrounded by people like these, even if there's nothing sad happening in my life, I would be subconsciously pulled into their negative stride..

Such characters are there everywhere, but because of those cultural values instilled in me to keep up good relations with all I was taking in all the toxins. It is a threshold in life where one has to decide if we can overlook such negative people and yet move on with them or if our personalities cannot walk through them we need to leave them at one point.. It will take me a 360 degree turn in my personality to turn off from such people, it is now more a medication for my mental health whether it is a perceived as arrogance or attitude or aloofness.....

One another such relationship that I held on was a childhood friend and I should have taken a hint from the very approach that if its giving me a feel of worthlessness why on earth would any such person be important to me???? It is often a self created mental injury where you go with a platter of Emotional weapons and invite them to assault you with their silent violence.....

Its all about taking a responsibility of self... NO ONE EXCEPT WE ARE ENTITLED TO SELF CARE.. Its waste blaming people and circumstances, its time to MAKE A CHOICE.... with an EQ so poor, for people like me it takes their whole life to take stand but  BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, whatever few years we have to live, lets not live in regret that you didn't take care of your self dignity.... I still don't have ego to accept that few people are close to my heart but I need to give myself the due respect rather than expecting it from those who would only walk over calmly into their comfort zones...
Either ways, being easy is not to allow people to TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE, its about EASILY side tracking too all those who cause us discomfort....

Take care...

Why we need permanence???

CONFUSION  or DISSATISFACTION  are another names for human beings....
Whether we agree or not, we as Humans work our whole life through in having a stable life and eventually look out for changes to spice up the stable life....

I would as usual  prefer quoting  self to others as it irritates  me soo many times to  crave for things not essential  or needed as there has to be something we need to continuously look for.... Since last few years though, I  know what is it I am  looking at as I   do realize with  my so called introspective  technique that only  thing that  I  seek which is permanent  but not is SOUL within....

There are so many life  challenges and distractions that  often don't  let me stay focussed... I  remember  my school days too when I  very faintly tried my hand at spirituality  but with onset of adolescence  and societal  needs there was a need to settle down which makes many or most of us enter into marital bond... This isn't an end too, now to grow further at societal level all married couples  do seek children and want to enjoy the status of parenthood  which surely  lifts up many souls in terms of understanding and compassion... But again, there is still  a long way to go.... We all need to prove perfect  parents to our kids, perfect  spouses to our partners and perfect  children to our parents.... Most importantly "PERFECT INDIVIDUAL"  in  societal  context and the marathon  goes on and on....

In an urge to acquire a permanent  status of PERFECT LIFE AND PERFECT INDIVIDUAL  we bring about crazy  changes  in our life and say magically  if many who  are successful in acquiring that  said status... After flaunting and relishing the pleasure of societal  applause , we suddenly  somewhere start getting impulsive and anxious  as the  are monotony of that lifestyle they adopted  ONLY for others seems suffocating ...

Thus, the search begins again to look for a change that keeps people motivated to live in that permanent  life they made and chose for themselves....

I am nobody to comment  or judge  the society and its rule but in this rat race of permanence in life we have forgotten that this  very life is temporary and its purpose is towards uplifting that permanent  soul  which also is looking for an universal permanent  destination to merge within  and release  its caging life after life....

Its a devastating  feeling to those who know the realities of this material race and accumulation to be a part of this stage and act out the given roles with utmost conviction to go backstage  and embrace the costume less , original  self to derive PERMANENT  PEACE....

Friends with Benefits.... (relationship)

Starts with being an acquaintance, to  a friend  and can  easily  lead  to being  FRIENDS  WITH  BENEFITS...

For  those  of you who are unaware  of this  term called  FRIENDS WITH  BENEFITS (FWB), It is a friendship  where  you also have courtship  without  commitment....

In many societies, this term can come as a shocker  where  as some societies  have accepted  this openly..... I  am  not  here to discuss  what  FWB is all about but its psychological  implications  in nutshell....

The important  thing  to  remember  here is an individual  perception of sex, love and friendship.... Each of these  terms  have  a dictionary  meaning  but do all  of us essentially  take it that  way? For  example, a couple  in love can  have  sex  to make love, to  express love..... A person  with an acute  physical  urge will  indulge  into sex as a mere biological  need, an Indian  married  couple takes it as a duty, etc.... As per Osho, sex  is that internal realization  or feel which a person  can  possibly  experience  and feel at the blissful  peak and thus is that  feel compared to the one which people get during  the oneness experienced  during meditation  and  this is  essentially  a soulful experience.....

If that holds true for many people, is feeling  of oneness possible for  these people while  they have physical  intimacy  with many  around.. ..... I  doubt...

One fact that  I  understand  is that  sexual  need  is both physical  and emotional  but which  one is more prominent  at  a time is the question  which is an answer too...

A marriage  thus should be more an open friendly  relationship  with each other which can serve the purpose  well but  the catch  in every  so called relationship  is the POSSESSIVENESS  and EMOTIONAL  INSECURITIES.... and marriage  might have maximum  as its a societal  bond which is more of  a social  status.....
Given such  limitations, more and  more  people  are trying  to fulfill  their  sexual  needs without  any commitments..... But as I  quoted  earlier  sexual  need can be both purely  physical  or emotional  or both and if its a professional  sex worker  there are no emotions  involved  what so ever and if its a lover  there are many unreasonable  emotions  involved  too..... And there the concept  of FWB served the purpose for many who find a marginal mixture  of both  the ingredients  in helping  people  get intimate  without  any  strings attached.....

Well, this seemed like  such an ideal way to operate  that people following  this fail to notice  some  important  things surrounding  such  arrangements.... Like:

One such relationship can make  an overall  perception  of all friends  who could be included in such arrangements.... Which  is not a healthy  sign

Other effects  being, there are  great  chances that  later either one can get emotionally  insecured for the  other...

If both have an excellent  physical  compatibility, and  they  decide to  tie knots  on  that  basis  alone.... Other aspects  may  cause  trouble  in future...

And a slightly  different  but according  to me the most difficult  kind of situation  will be where A HEALTHY, HEARTY, OPEN, EXCELLENT FRIENDSHIP  which was not  endangered  with any issues  can go UGLY by SEXUAL  interference  therein.... So, a greed  to  get physical  pleasure  from  friends  can destroy  a heartiest  friendship  and that is more disastrous.... As friends  are defined  as those  who  are not judgemental  about you  and this aspect (of being  non judgemental)   is difficult  to achieve  in any relationship  even  in FWB.....

So  folks, Think before  you  can walk that extra mile to derive an additional  pleasure  out of an amazing  friendship ...

Flawless is like fairy tale!!!!!

Flaw????  "Nah, I  don't  have any..... "
Well , how many of us have gracefully  accepted  this....  Let's  not talk about how  bad or harmful is that  flaw, the  truth remains  that  each one  of us has one quality that is NOT GOOD....

This being a fact, the human race using their inborn  abilities  to think and argue is excellent at covering  up and the result  being we all end up living in a superficial  world  created by us.....

There is this fearful and coward self of ours that  believes in dressing up our  flaws so as to remain protected from attackers who would misuse this against  us and benefitting  themselves.... Well, to this endless effort  of covering  up said flaws  are a major  WASTE as no one has ever been successful  in keeping up that  perfect  image intact lifetime..... To  give a serious  example  is none other than all those great  men who  have selflessly  worked towards a social goal too are ripped off  when their single flaw is surfaced LATER......

Having  said this, will  it not be better to self judge and accept  all those negative  traits so as to have  an enough awareness  to work towards its improvisation....

This was pertaining  to self, let's  talk  of family  and close  friends..... "oops.... Never..... My family  is seldom  wrong or is naturally  the best ever...."
Its great to have high regards but most of us get blindly attached to it and end  up living  a life  in denial  mode..... In an effort  to safeguard  our people  from  others  judgemental  views we too get into a superficial  image of those near and dear ones and spend  our entire life  in covering our  family  and friends  as we clearly  ASSOCIATE THEIR FLAWS being  a black mark on SELF..... Thus, it is no act of greatness to keep up an perfect  made up  image  of people associated  with us, it is in the  end  all a very SELFISH ACT, as acceptance  of family  and friends  flaw would hamper self image too and thus  the whole  effort  in saving that  IMAGE.....

I come across  every second  individual  who is on high alert to act defensive  in self presentation and many have died  in those  notions that we (me and my family  is  GOD  s best creation) ... Well,  let's  see a broader perspective .... The very fact that  one would  want  to defend  either self, family , friends  or community, religion, country, etc means  that rather  than  working  towards self improvisation, we are more  keen and  using all our resources  in proving ourselves  Best....

To end this controversial  topic, none of us are Perfect,  Flaw is Fact...... Therefore, acceptance  can only  serve as a stepping  stone  towards  betterment  and DEFENSIVE attitude can only  deteriorate  us further....

Choice is ours.....

Friends with benefits! !!!!!!

A Very Happy Friendship week to all !!!!!

Friends Forever is like a history in this jet age....especially if Friends are made with a selfish motive....

As a teen and even now meeting a friend for me would necessarily being connected to an individual who is so special that you are completely yourself at heart and soul which is generally less felt with relationships demanding a protocol.

Today as I understand things differently its rather very sad to realise that more and more people are looking at having Friends With Benefits! !!

For someone who isn't aware of this term; FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS are those friends who are more interested in being physically intimate with one another than emotionally .
The day I learnt this fact I was under a cultural and emotional shock as I found many who were playing this without offence.

There was once I heard that friends at school level are selfless but I guess its for most UNTIL YOU HIT PUBERTY ...because after which its not really sure as to who is friends with each other for they appreciate their inner person or the physical personality. ...

I still believe that friendship is one of the most closely felt among all societal relationships as there an individual is totally accepted without any barriers. ...the contamination of using this so very therapeutic relationship into a selfish physical act is not an everlasting bond..if its treated with BENEFITS..

Let me explain it this way...

A friendship which might definitely have a strong attraction for each other but converting it into a physical relationship leads to destruction of the friendship...as those individuals who never rated or compared one another on any other basis as their emotional comfort levels were excellent suddenly start to prioritise the friends where physical benefits are concerned ...this fact itself is an end to this so called lovely bond of being friends. ..

Many divorced couples are best friends later which means they were more friends then physical partners but it's not the way friends are chosen. ....Friendships just happen by itself its not what we choose on the basis of various benefits that could be derived out of it.....  and now I genuinely feel great to see people having friends with lesser looks, money, etc as it was that indivduality of a person which made him or her worthy of being a friend. ..

FRIENDS ARE A THERAPY IN ITSELF ....let's not pollute this very special relationship with any selfish motives.....

Friensdhip is beautiful don't make it dutiful

We all have best friends , right?

Whats so cool about best friends ..

NO FORMALITIES. .....and that means NO RULES AND REGULATIONS to govern the relationship. ...

That's exactly the reason every other relationship if it has an essence of friendship will be much stronger then its original state.

But on the other hand if friendship takes over as a relationship namely like siblings or real life couples, it often looses it's   charm and becomes burdensome.

Its very important to realise that friendship is most wanted bond and others aren't as much for a simple reason being others involve set of duty that takes away or fades its original beauty. 

Let the person you like so much just be .

Friends are to complete you not to be a copy of you. 

Kinjal Pandya ...friends video #flipagram ♫ Music: Moviendo Caderas - Yandel ft Daddy Yankee made with @flipagram.