Benefit of Doubt.... Helps at times

BENEFIT OF DOUBT.... means: "I did not assume he was a liar." It means: "I don't believe the story, but I will consider that maybe it really did happen." To give someone the benefit of the doubt means you assume that he or she is telling the truth until proven otherwise.

I wasn't  judgemental ever.... I  probably  was like that initially because I  was a victim of LOW SELF ESTEEM... it proved advantageous at least in developing this trait in me... Except that LOW SELF ESTEEM is a curse... It thus became a habit since then.... Now, when I  do have enough SELF CONFIDENCE, I  still stick on with my NON JUDGEMENTAL  traits....

Which means.. It is easier to give BENEFIT OF DOUBT... As per the above definition, we do need to essentially give benefit of doubts to people at least a couple of times till we are convinced of their  particular  folly. It is MOST  IMPORTANT quality  needed in my profession  but also as normal human beings we can immensely see its positives if we adopt this trait.

The big problem with people who fail in giving benefit of doubt  is that they have FIXED IDEAS... about many aspects of life... My dear people... LIFE itself is CONSTANTLY changing  how can our fixed ideas help us.... Like a personality, our ideas are also victims of NURTURUING AND ENVIRONMENT  we are within... It is not often under our control to change the set conditions we are dropped into but..... A VERY AWARENESS that we can adopt new ideas, help us come out of blocks  and see new perspective. IT CAN HELP US CHANGE... OUR ATTITUDE...

Humans are slaves to Habit... Be it food, clothing, living, talking and.... Worst..THINKING.... we cannot step out of our comfort zones as we ourselves wouldn't  accept our CHANGED FORM... this limitation is many a times  root cause for many personal and interpersonal  problems....

The very reason, BENEFIT OF DOUBT helps us is.. To step into others UNREVEALED softer/weaker aspect and and Increased level of UNDERSTANDING  of our own capacities to value people and their limitations.....

People with GOOD TRAITS are very easily accepted and respected in society... We seldom  want to even know their negative traits... (good enough)  but, the repressed segment of society are often those who are CONTINUOUSLY JUDGED AND CONDEMNED.... Crimes are unfortunately their share of conduct and we want CRIMES to end... HOW????

At an individual  level, at  micro level, can we  not try and figure out SOME  GOOD, AMAZING, RARE, traits  in PEOPLE who are victims of JUDGEMENTS and gradually evoke a human  trait if we START USING  BENEFIT OF DOUBT and not hold people CULPRITS for  their  xyz actions.. At Least ... couple of times....

Benefit of doubt  according to me is a SENSITIVE  quality in comparison to being JUDGEMENTAL which is quite an insensitive aspect where we subconsciously have framed anyone and everyone  who do not match your thoughts as WRONG....

RIGHTS AND WRONGS are man made.... Compassion and Sensitivity are DIVINE  Human  Qualities which we need to preserve... Lets give it a good try...

Friends with Benefits.... (relationship)

Starts with being an acquaintance, to  a friend  and can  easily  lead  to being  FRIENDS  WITH  BENEFITS...

For  those  of you who are unaware  of this  term called  FRIENDS WITH  BENEFITS (FWB), It is a friendship  where  you also have courtship  without  commitment....

In many societies, this term can come as a shocker  where  as some societies  have accepted  this openly..... I  am  not  here to discuss  what  FWB is all about but its psychological  implications  in nutshell....

The important  thing  to  remember  here is an individual  perception of sex, love and friendship.... Each of these  terms  have  a dictionary  meaning  but do all  of us essentially  take it that  way? For  example, a couple  in love can  have  sex  to make love, to  express love..... A person  with an acute  physical  urge will  indulge  into sex as a mere biological  need, an Indian  married  couple takes it as a duty, etc.... As per Osho, sex  is that internal realization  or feel which a person  can  possibly  experience  and feel at the blissful  peak and thus is that  feel compared to the one which people get during  the oneness experienced  during meditation  and  this is  essentially  a soulful experience.....

If that holds true for many people, is feeling  of oneness possible for  these people while  they have physical  intimacy  with many  around.. ..... I  doubt...

One fact that  I  understand  is that  sexual  need  is both physical  and emotional  but which  one is more prominent  at  a time is the question  which is an answer too...

A marriage  thus should be more an open friendly  relationship  with each other which can serve the purpose  well but  the catch  in every  so called relationship  is the POSSESSIVENESS  and EMOTIONAL  INSECURITIES.... and marriage  might have maximum  as its a societal  bond which is more of  a social  status.....
Given such  limitations, more and  more  people  are trying  to fulfill  their  sexual  needs without  any commitments..... But as I  quoted  earlier  sexual  need can be both purely  physical  or emotional  or both and if its a professional  sex worker  there are no emotions  involved  what so ever and if its a lover  there are many unreasonable  emotions  involved  too..... And there the concept  of FWB served the purpose for many who find a marginal mixture  of both  the ingredients  in helping  people  get intimate  without  any  strings attached.....

Well, this seemed like  such an ideal way to operate  that people following  this fail to notice  some  important  things surrounding  such  arrangements.... Like:

One such relationship can make  an overall  perception  of all friends  who could be included in such arrangements.... Which  is not a healthy  sign

Other effects  being, there are  great  chances that  later either one can get emotionally  insecured for the  other...

If both have an excellent  physical  compatibility, and  they  decide to  tie knots  on  that  basis  alone.... Other aspects  may  cause  trouble  in future...

And a slightly  different  but according  to me the most difficult  kind of situation  will be where A HEALTHY, HEARTY, OPEN, EXCELLENT FRIENDSHIP  which was not  endangered  with any issues  can go UGLY by SEXUAL  interference  therein.... So, a greed  to  get physical  pleasure  from  friends  can destroy  a heartiest  friendship  and that is more disastrous.... As friends  are defined  as those  who  are not judgemental  about you  and this aspect (of being  non judgemental)   is difficult  to achieve  in any relationship  even  in FWB.....

So  folks, Think before  you  can walk that extra mile to derive an additional  pleasure  out of an amazing  friendship ...