Solitude

Solitude
Seek within....

Friday, June 16, 2017

So, YOU DON'T SAY.... NO????

Oh boy! You couldn't say NO????
This situation is faced by many who are incompetent enough in saying an ASSERTIVE "NO"....
NO... Is not essentially a negative statement... We have been conditioned in a manner where we are trained that if we say NO it will be considered as a negative remark and will be a patch on the image....
Indians specially lack the art of assertive communication... To the extent, they can neither talk assertive nor accept assertive statements... To them people with assertive communication are rude and blunt.. But the very art of communicating with offence free assertive communication is to be PRACTICED and thus implemented.
We Indians are amazing at two ways of communicating.... Sarcastic and passive aggressive (diplomatic) way to communicate..... Psychologically, these are both termed as NEGATIVE COMMUNICATION PATTERNS.... The positive communication is Assertive communication which essentially has these features :
1.I respect my judgment or opinion or view
2.But,I also respect your opinion equally....
These are the underlying beliefs to adopt in assertive communication...
Thus, in a given situation when you are offered a lift from a colleague or an acquaintance where one isn't comfortable accepting it.. A straight NO is indeed RUDE, but saying YES initially and then when you are awaited you VANISH or give a lame reason is even more RUDE... infact, it is more INSULTING then even a straight NO...
in such cases specifically, Assertive Communication is a win win situation for both.... Saying something like, 'Thanks but I am not comfortable in accepting the lift... I am genuinely thankful for the offer'
This is being HONEST to SELF, HONEST to Others and giving due respect to the person/offer/emotion you are rejecting....
People who often either chose to say a YES for everything just to avoid further arguments and negotiations and to escape any communication error simply take care of the immediate situation by saying YES for anything and everything and eventually don't even bother to stand by it....
Such people are INSENSITIVE to their own apprehensions and discomforts and RUDE enough for others as they seldom realise the impact of the FAKE YES which meant a clear NO....
It is a need for each one of us to be liked and accepted by others but being liked temporarily is indeed a A foolish act where more dislike is generated towards the end... People who generally are not fond of their own self will end up into such hypocritical behavior...
Human beings should be primarily sensitive to  their own emotions and then towards others... Such people have fake relationships as they have been fake all their lives... They have unintentionally resorted to FLIGHT MECHANISM where they see a temporary solution to every situation by saying YES and they later elope with their confused state of mind...
People with this trait leave sufficient room for further communication with people by being GOOD ON THE FACE but they lose respect which is the essence of every relationship.... These escapists generally have a troubled inner self and are far away from inner peace.. These type of people are prone to hyper activity and impulsivity as a side effect to have victimized self with so many confusions and conflicts...
Let's learn the repercussions of practicing to become ASSERTIVE...
1. Initially one might end up being blunt and too straight with voice modality and emotional outburst.
2.might have to face allegations of being
rude and insensitive but there's a room for explanation if there's HONESTY...
3.MOST IMPORTANTLY..... There's no mental burden to having lied to someone and a deep relief to listening to your wish and need...
This is the biggest benefit that is derived out of ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION that you have chosen to respect your inner desire and also not kept someone in the dark...
Assertive Communication requires a COURAGEOUS mind and a BEAUTIFUL heart...
Love you all.... Please don't fool around with yourself...